What does it say about your wisdom and decision making ability when your cumulative life choices have brought you to such a place as you are financially bereft, emotionallyerupting and frozen in thought?
Yeah, thats my life
yay me
Friday, June 05, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
A.D.H.D: It's not fine.
We had a follow up apt with the psychiatrist today for Turbo. Last October he was diagnosed as having A.D.H.D. and anxiety. Today I requested a prescription for medication be prescribed for the A.D.H.D. and the Dr. was glad to oblige. Bomb shell. The moment she got out her prescription pad I started to realize what I have done.
I should have been glad? Happy the doctor was willing to co-operate? Really I just came away very uncertain, scared, angry. Resentful. I resent that "normal" looks nothing like my kid. His inability to focus on reading, my kids ability to hyper focus on stuff he loves, stuff that make sense to him. Stuff like the computers, animation, creating videos, humour etc. Its not "normal". Nothing like who this amazing, crazy, argumentative, stubborn, black and white kid is. I am being pressured to change him through medication neither he nor I truly want.
I'm starting to get the hippies, the unschoolers, the way-outside-the-box-educating-parents. He thinks deeply, has an amazing memory, an intense sense of justice, cares deeply about those around him, the computer guy he buys stuff from is shocked by Turbo's self-taught knowledge. He is amazing and I am being pressured to force a change on him so he is more manageable for others and better fits the educational norms.
In the theme of Stop Saying You're Fine, It's not fine that my kid isn't accepted for who he is, how he learns, what he loves. It's not fine that he may be put on a medication that can affect his growth, eating patterns, and heart. It's not fine.
I should have been glad? Happy the doctor was willing to co-operate? Really I just came away very uncertain, scared, angry. Resentful. I resent that "normal" looks nothing like my kid. His inability to focus on reading, my kids ability to hyper focus on stuff he loves, stuff that make sense to him. Stuff like the computers, animation, creating videos, humour etc. Its not "normal". Nothing like who this amazing, crazy, argumentative, stubborn, black and white kid is. I am being pressured to change him through medication neither he nor I truly want.
I'm starting to get the hippies, the unschoolers, the way-outside-the-box-educating-parents. He thinks deeply, has an amazing memory, an intense sense of justice, cares deeply about those around him, the computer guy he buys stuff from is shocked by Turbo's self-taught knowledge. He is amazing and I am being pressured to force a change on him so he is more manageable for others and better fits the educational norms.
In the theme of Stop Saying You're Fine, It's not fine that my kid isn't accepted for who he is, how he learns, what he loves. It's not fine that he may be put on a medication that can affect his growth, eating patterns, and heart. It's not fine.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Steps A through 4.......
I have been reading a very encouraging book, Stop Saying You're Fine; Discover a More Powerful You by Mel Robbins. I sought this book out after being directed to a YouTube hosted video entitled; "How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over" also by Mel Robbins.
A. The Rule of Right Now
While working through the first chapter I have discovered the beauty and effectiveness of right now. In short; don't put off the little things, do what you ought to do now. Delaying just means you are waiting to talk yourself out of action. Little things become big things. The more we are victorious in doing what needs done right away the easier it is to take action next time.
A quick tidying of the front room takes less than five minutes, I have been guilty of putting it off for half the day telling myself, "I will do it in just a minute." While it nags at me, driving me nutty and adding one more little thing on the pile of irritations. In applying the Right Now rule when I think of it as I'm walking by I'll turn around and pick up the front room. Less than five minutes and one less thing I have to think about, one less thing to stress over because it's done, one less item niggling at my ability to focus on the big stuff.
I have found the more I look after the little things immediately; the less stressed I am, the tidier our home is, the fewer times I find myself dreaming of a beach vacation. Well, I still dream of a beach vacation but occasionally I think of taking my family with me. Ha!
B. Chicken or Jerk
Also in the first chapter Mel talks about Chickens and Jerks. In stifling our desires and delaying action we force ourselves into one of two mindsets. Chickens tell themselves that can't do things because something will just go wrong, someone will be mad, something always gets in the way etc
Jerks have a running dialogue which includes blame. The world is out the get the Jerk. Every problem, struggle, hardship is because someone, often very mystical "they", prevents them from succeeding. Their spouse is too selfish, the bank won't give 'em money, the boss won't give a raise, the kids are impossible, the weight is just too hard to take off, their illness is really just worse than anyone else's. ever. blah blah blah, whine, etc
C. Reality Check
You make you life what it is. Money, health, spouse, kids all work as you let them. No you can't will one million dollars into your account but you can take control of the money you do have. Nope your children (teens) will not suddenly think you are Mrs. or Mr. Wonderful, No way can your force of will melt the fat or instantly heal your chronic illness. BUT taking action right now over what you can control has the power to shift your focus and mindset. Do what you can do immediately about your finances; stop over spending, live within your means, apply for a new job (or even a second job). Overweight? Research what may truly be a healthy diet for you and apply it, stop eating crap, go for a walk, drink water, Kids driving you batty? Take 'em with you, walks are good for everyone, sit down and listen to them, don't fix their problems, listen. Unhappy with your job (or lack of)? Determine to apply to one new job everyday even if you don't think you could get it. You may be pleasantly surprised!
The very actions you take can spur you on toward more action, a greater ability to achieve your goal. As a very large woman every time I take a brisk walk I am one step closer to fitness, every time I say, "no thanks" to a diet coke, fries, cookie whatever, I am one step closer to a healthy relationship with food and a healthier well balanced me.
4. YES!
Each time I do what I know I should do, the moment I should do it I am building momentum for the next yes. Yes, I would love to go for a walk to rebuild my health. Yes, I will take a moment and call the friend who needs some encouragement. Yes, I will discipline my child for back talk instead of letting it go. Yes, I can drink water instead of coke, juice, whatever. Yes, I will be sure to pick up the front room so it won't nag at me all day. Yes.
Points for anyone who noticed the A, B, C, 4. A Mad About You reference purely for my own amusement. ~ Lyric
A. The Rule of Right Now
While working through the first chapter I have discovered the beauty and effectiveness of right now. In short; don't put off the little things, do what you ought to do now. Delaying just means you are waiting to talk yourself out of action. Little things become big things. The more we are victorious in doing what needs done right away the easier it is to take action next time.
A quick tidying of the front room takes less than five minutes, I have been guilty of putting it off for half the day telling myself, "I will do it in just a minute." While it nags at me, driving me nutty and adding one more little thing on the pile of irritations. In applying the Right Now rule when I think of it as I'm walking by I'll turn around and pick up the front room. Less than five minutes and one less thing I have to think about, one less thing to stress over because it's done, one less item niggling at my ability to focus on the big stuff.
I have found the more I look after the little things immediately; the less stressed I am, the tidier our home is, the fewer times I find myself dreaming of a beach vacation. Well, I still dream of a beach vacation but occasionally I think of taking my family with me. Ha!
B. Chicken or Jerk
Also in the first chapter Mel talks about Chickens and Jerks. In stifling our desires and delaying action we force ourselves into one of two mindsets. Chickens tell themselves that can't do things because something will just go wrong, someone will be mad, something always gets in the way etc
Jerks have a running dialogue which includes blame. The world is out the get the Jerk. Every problem, struggle, hardship is because someone, often very mystical "they", prevents them from succeeding. Their spouse is too selfish, the bank won't give 'em money, the boss won't give a raise, the kids are impossible, the weight is just too hard to take off, their illness is really just worse than anyone else's. ever. blah blah blah, whine, etc
C. Reality Check
You make you life what it is. Money, health, spouse, kids all work as you let them. No you can't will one million dollars into your account but you can take control of the money you do have. Nope your children (teens) will not suddenly think you are Mrs. or Mr. Wonderful, No way can your force of will melt the fat or instantly heal your chronic illness. BUT taking action right now over what you can control has the power to shift your focus and mindset. Do what you can do immediately about your finances; stop over spending, live within your means, apply for a new job (or even a second job). Overweight? Research what may truly be a healthy diet for you and apply it, stop eating crap, go for a walk, drink water, Kids driving you batty? Take 'em with you, walks are good for everyone, sit down and listen to them, don't fix their problems, listen. Unhappy with your job (or lack of)? Determine to apply to one new job everyday even if you don't think you could get it. You may be pleasantly surprised!
The very actions you take can spur you on toward more action, a greater ability to achieve your goal. As a very large woman every time I take a brisk walk I am one step closer to fitness, every time I say, "no thanks" to a diet coke, fries, cookie whatever, I am one step closer to a healthy relationship with food and a healthier well balanced me.
4. YES!
Each time I do what I know I should do, the moment I should do it I am building momentum for the next yes. Yes, I would love to go for a walk to rebuild my health. Yes, I will take a moment and call the friend who needs some encouragement. Yes, I will discipline my child for back talk instead of letting it go. Yes, I can drink water instead of coke, juice, whatever. Yes, I will be sure to pick up the front room so it won't nag at me all day. Yes.
Points for anyone who noticed the A, B, C, 4. A Mad About You reference purely for my own amusement. ~ Lyric
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Regrooving
regrooving
verb ~ to reestablish ones mojo, moxy, way of being assertive
Yes, I made that up. Yes, it still counts as a word 'cause I wrote it down and said it several times in my head. :D
Regrooving is finding a way to get your feet back under you when so much about your life has changed and will not be going back to "normal" anytime soon. While restarts can be frightening, regrooving is exciting more than scary. A reinvention of ones self when times and circumstances change and there are few familiar land marks to see you through can be scary when you fight it. When you go along for the ride and enjoy the changes it is actually exhilarating.
I'm forty-three, my hubby can't work anymore, my youngest is twelve, my oldest nineteen, I have full-time care of my disabled brother, we are, necessarily, cut off from most of our family, and I haven't worked in twenty years. I could choose to be dead scared, go to bed and not get up for days, pout and whine and be incredibly selfish. Honestly, for just a few moments I let myself do all those things, I let myself be scared, worried, angry, resentful but that's done now. Now I get up, put on my big girl pants and be amazing. I let you know just what that amazing looks like as it happens.
Lyric
verb ~ to reestablish ones mojo, moxy, way of being assertive
Yes, I made that up. Yes, it still counts as a word 'cause I wrote it down and said it several times in my head. :D
Regrooving is finding a way to get your feet back under you when so much about your life has changed and will not be going back to "normal" anytime soon. While restarts can be frightening, regrooving is exciting more than scary. A reinvention of ones self when times and circumstances change and there are few familiar land marks to see you through can be scary when you fight it. When you go along for the ride and enjoy the changes it is actually exhilarating.
I'm forty-three, my hubby can't work anymore, my youngest is twelve, my oldest nineteen, I have full-time care of my disabled brother, we are, necessarily, cut off from most of our family, and I haven't worked in twenty years. I could choose to be dead scared, go to bed and not get up for days, pout and whine and be incredibly selfish. Honestly, for just a few moments I let myself do all those things, I let myself be scared, worried, angry, resentful but that's done now. Now I get up, put on my big girl pants and be amazing. I let you know just what that amazing looks like as it happens.
Lyric
Its Good to Know I Piss Off My Daughter
It is good to have your kids frustrated with you now and then. That way you know you're doing your job. Standing up for what is right is part of my job as a parent, regardless of what reception my, "nope" gets. Sorry girly, I'll be your Mum as long as you need one. You're friend when you've grown.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Positivity and Help Received
I will choose to remain postive. I will choose to see the good in each situation. I will choose to be happy for the small things and let go of the anxiety and doubts. Each day is a gift. How many people have breathed their last breathe while desperate from just one more? I will remember this and be grateful.
I have had some wonderful support and understanding these last few days because I asked for it. I was honest and let them know I was incredibly stressed and at the end of my rope. just done. I couldn't move another step and they came along side with support, understanding, acceptance, suggestions, and concrete helps. Thank you 'shed ladies.
I still don't know what school will look like next year. I don't know if we will make the switch to public school or will radically change how we educate at home. I do know that we have an appointment to an A.D.H.D. clinic and will pursue a diagnosis for Turbo and hopefully get some support, advice, and strategies there.
Lyric
I have had some wonderful support and understanding these last few days because I asked for it. I was honest and let them know I was incredibly stressed and at the end of my rope. just done. I couldn't move another step and they came along side with support, understanding, acceptance, suggestions, and concrete helps. Thank you 'shed ladies.
I still don't know what school will look like next year. I don't know if we will make the switch to public school or will radically change how we educate at home. I do know that we have an appointment to an A.D.H.D. clinic and will pursue a diagnosis for Turbo and hopefully get some support, advice, and strategies there.
Lyric
Monday, June 09, 2014
Summer School and Cadet Camp
The Cadet's first year in Secondary School has been a learning experience. Which is the polite way to say we both realized how much I over-did for him while he was home schooling. Reminding, nagging, organizing, reminding, helping, coaching, reminding etc. I did a lot of reminding. Going out to school Matt quickly learned that his teachers expected him to be self- organized, motivated, disciplined, and directed. He did well in most areas except when it came to English (he'll get that credit, barely) math. Previously Matt found math very easy, therefore didn't have to push himself hard to get each assignment done. Well grade nine math at this gifted school was more challenging than he anticipated. Summer school has been suggested.
I'm all for summer school, I appreciate that the board even offers it. But, and here's the sticky part, the Cadet has been given the opportunity to go on a three week excursion with his corps and the excursion begins two days before the end of the summer school. Wish me luck negotiating with the school board so he'll be able to do both. Should be interesting.
Monday, April 28, 2014
"Enough"
I've had to say, "Enough, no more." twice in my life.
The first to an unhealthy church membership. We had to say goodbye to a cult church that hubby was raised in and we attended together for many years. Our kids were raised there (for the most part) and close family is still firmly entrenched in that system. Our entire community and support structure were tangled up with this church/cult thing. Leaving was really, really tough. really tough. For months we missed it and were tempted (just a little) to go back but slowly the Father has shown us a better way. I have learned how judgmental I was, how cruel, critical, and arrogant my heart is. Through truth I have learned grace, hope, patience, kindness, love. I'm learning joy, how to lean on God and not man. How to work out my own salvation. What really matters to God and what is just religion.
My last, sad, "enough" came just before Christmas when I had to separate from some family members. I miss them often and so wish that things could be different. My family (particularly my children) were hurt and deeply wounded each time there was a "flair up" with these members. I have to protect my kids, that's my job. It seems strange talking about grace and love in the last paragraph and now speaking of what is essentially cutting people out of my life. Here's where grace still lives; I LOVE these people, I miss them very often and mourn for what could have been, what should have been, but allowing them into my life and trying to insinuate myself into theirs only brought pain, anger, and resentment into both lives and families. No resolution was even worked for so "enough" and "good bye" were said. I pray very often for them and wish everyday that I could pick up the phone or send a quick email but I can't, doing so would only tear off the scab. So I'll keep praying and hoping.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
What if God's People Prayed?
What if we all prayed knowing God is good, gracefull desiring of blessing and helping His people? What if we all prayed knowing that what God will bring is good and good for us? What if we all remembered that sometimes "no" is the most kind, loving and just answer. Instead of pitching a fit, whining and turning our backs on our loving, faithful God we surrendered to His will and His plan and trust that His word does hold the truth for our lives here, now, even in theis arrogance filled twenty-first century?
Maybe the Christian couples that divorce and the families that fall apart though remain living under the same roof could be healed and go on marching into victory under the banner of Christ. Maybe the teens who loose hope and end their too short lives could be redeemed, gain hope and see the promise of this live. They could go on to raise hell-storming children to further the gospel of Christ.
This isn't a never ending story we're living. We all have a finite time here to influence, help, and bless others. What if we spent more time serving? more time forgiving? more time extending grace? more time encouraging? What if God's people prayed more than played?
Maybe the Christian couples that divorce and the families that fall apart though remain living under the same roof could be healed and go on marching into victory under the banner of Christ. Maybe the teens who loose hope and end their too short lives could be redeemed, gain hope and see the promise of this live. They could go on to raise hell-storming children to further the gospel of Christ.
This isn't a never ending story we're living. We all have a finite time here to influence, help, and bless others. What if we spent more time serving? more time forgiving? more time extending grace? more time encouraging? What if God's people prayed more than played?
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Chilly awakening, Gym, and Avoiding Girls
Getting ready to take my boys this morning to gym it didn't occur to me to check the outside temperature. After all it had been 21 degrees day before yesterday. Not a good decision. I rushed out the door a few minutes behind schedule and walked right into a rather cool wind. I was dressed in a light spring dress. Light material. Flowy (read: wind blows right up in it) skirt? Brrrrrrrr That woke me up better than any coffee could.
The boys had a wonderful time at gym, sweating to their hearts content, throwing balls at others (who doesn't like that?) while running with friends avoiding the girls. I like that they avoid the girls. I'd very much like it if they'd continue avoiding girls until they are about, um, 40. Yes, that'd be good. Sort of. For me anyway.
I'm not kidding myself into believe my boys don't notice girls and all their nicer qualities but at their ages (11 and 12) the girls we're around are not remotely interested in the sweaty, obnoxious versions of the male species they are surrounded by. This also works for me. Keep up the obnoxious fart jokes guys. Just not in church. K?!
The boys had a wonderful time at gym, sweating to their hearts content, throwing balls at others (who doesn't like that?) while running with friends avoiding the girls. I like that they avoid the girls. I'd very much like it if they'd continue avoiding girls until they are about, um, 40. Yes, that'd be good. Sort of. For me anyway.
I'm not kidding myself into believe my boys don't notice girls and all their nicer qualities but at their ages (11 and 12) the girls we're around are not remotely interested in the sweaty, obnoxious versions of the male species they are surrounded by. This also works for me. Keep up the obnoxious fart jokes guys. Just not in church. K?!
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
The Longest Winter and Why I Shouldn't Whine
I came back to edit this blog post when I realized what a whiner I was being. Original whiny blog post in black, blessings I've chosen to see in blue;
This is the winter that just won't quit. We have had snow on the ground since mid November, a devastating ice storm that left us without hydro for six days, heat for nine days and no water for much of that. We have had record breaking cold with many days where the wind chill was in the minus thirties. Yep, winter can buzz off now. Right now. Immediately. Go away right quick! But the cold of winter makes us rejoice with the spring! On the hot, humid days when everything seems to be melting we'll be glad its not snowing. :D
Today is the first day we are seeing some melt. March 11 and we still have lots of snow, lots. Forecasters are telling us we could still have some snow in April. APRIL! Why am I Canadian again? Because you are Canadian you get to enjoy religious freedom, affordable healthcare, a just governmental system and no earthquakes, tsunamis, few poisons spiders and snakes, wonderful scenery, and freedom!
Oh well, spring will come, it always does. I suppose being able to complain about the winter is one of the perks of living in the greatest country in the world. :)
This is the winter that just won't quit. We have had snow on the ground since mid November, a devastating ice storm that left us without hydro for six days, heat for nine days and no water for much of that. We have had record breaking cold with many days where the wind chill was in the minus thirties. Yep, winter can buzz off now. Right now. Immediately. Go away right quick! But the cold of winter makes us rejoice with the spring! On the hot, humid days when everything seems to be melting we'll be glad its not snowing. :D
Today is the first day we are seeing some melt. March 11 and we still have lots of snow, lots. Forecasters are telling us we could still have some snow in April. APRIL! Why am I Canadian again? Because you are Canadian you get to enjoy religious freedom, affordable healthcare, a just governmental system and no earthquakes, tsunamis, few poisons spiders and snakes, wonderful scenery, and freedom!
Oh well, spring will come, it always does. I suppose being able to complain about the winter is one of the perks of living in the greatest country in the world. :)
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
October and Remembering Home
Coming into the full-fledged autumn season I remember how much I love the change of seasons we enjoy here in Ontario. Yes, there arre several days during the depths of winter that I wish for tropical weather but without the cold how would we really appreciatte the heat of August, or the newness of spring. Look at me, waxing poetic.
This summer has been the easiest so far living here in the big smoke, we got through the steamy days with swimming at the local pool and enjoying the creek as much as possible. I still get a kick out of the shocked look on the peoples faces as there realize we're swimming-in-the-creek!?
With the coming of autumn is the expected homesickness. With no where to store food here and no harvest to collect and put up I wrestle against the desperation of wanting to go home so badly I can taste the frustration. I know we are meant to "bloom where we are planted" but I just don't want to. I won't pretend that here is where I will be happy, this is no place to raise kids, no place to live long term. I accept that some people like living here and prefer it above all other places but we are not them, I do appreciate my husbands job and how he is happyish here but knowing how perfect North is for the rest of us makes settling in here tough.
I, usually, try not to watch too many documentaries or youtube videos about homesteading or prepping but when the homesickness is thickest watching these things and letting the grief come brings the purge I need. I'm sad a while, a little grouchy. Then it passes and we go on. One day I will get home, one day soon I hope but until we've riden this out we just have to hang on, learn what we must and look to the dawn.
Lyric
This summer has been the easiest so far living here in the big smoke, we got through the steamy days with swimming at the local pool and enjoying the creek as much as possible. I still get a kick out of the shocked look on the peoples faces as there realize we're swimming-in-the-creek!?
With the coming of autumn is the expected homesickness. With no where to store food here and no harvest to collect and put up I wrestle against the desperation of wanting to go home so badly I can taste the frustration. I know we are meant to "bloom where we are planted" but I just don't want to. I won't pretend that here is where I will be happy, this is no place to raise kids, no place to live long term. I accept that some people like living here and prefer it above all other places but we are not them, I do appreciate my husbands job and how he is happyish here but knowing how perfect North is for the rest of us makes settling in here tough.
I, usually, try not to watch too many documentaries or youtube videos about homesteading or prepping but when the homesickness is thickest watching these things and letting the grief come brings the purge I need. I'm sad a while, a little grouchy. Then it passes and we go on. One day I will get home, one day soon I hope but until we've riden this out we just have to hang on, learn what we must and look to the dawn.
Lyric
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Last night while coming home from a meeting at 8:30 I almost creamed a guy wearing all black, riding a dark coloured bicycle in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! I didn't see him until the last moment when he swerved out of the way and I saw the reflecter on his wheel. I missed him by less than a foot! Man, I was so mad!
I told my daughter, "If I had hit him I would have yelled at him for being such a dumbie while he lay on the road bleeding." Sheesh, black guy, black clothes, dark night, no light on his bike, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STINKIN' ROAD! What a maroon!
Now that I've calmed I know I would have felt terrible if I had hit him and wouldn't have really yelled at him but man, what a dumb thing to do.
I told my daughter, "If I had hit him I would have yelled at him for being such a dumbie while he lay on the road bleeding." Sheesh, black guy, black clothes, dark night, no light on his bike, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STINKIN' ROAD! What a maroon!
Now that I've calmed I know I would have felt terrible if I had hit him and wouldn't have really yelled at him but man, what a dumb thing to do.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
I will indulge in a little pet peeve venting here.
Today while leaving our grocery store parking lot we were almost hit by a moron trying to enter the exit while talking on his cell phone. grrr
I told him to get off the phone and was told to mind my own business. Hunh?! Considering you almost hit my van with my children in it it IS MY STINKING BUSINESS BUD! Man, somedays I wish I could carry a paint gun and "christen" stupid people. sheesh
In other news:
Princess is heading to friends to work for a couple days. For a girl who says she's not sure if she wants kids she is amazing with them, they all have a great time and the kids beg for her to come back again and again.
The Cadet is heading to a canoe trip this weekend with his corps. I give 'em ten minutes in the canoes before some wiseacre tips the whole kit an caboodle. lol
Tank and Turbo are enjoying some newly aquired roller blades. Turbo is picking up the skill very easily and Tank is stubbornly, perhaps determinedly is better, getting better each time.
We keep swinging from hot to cold and rainy weather which is rather irritating. Guess I should just be happy that its not snowing Lol
Today while leaving our grocery store parking lot we were almost hit by a moron trying to enter the exit while talking on his cell phone. grrr
I told him to get off the phone and was told to mind my own business. Hunh?! Considering you almost hit my van with my children in it it IS MY STINKING BUSINESS BUD! Man, somedays I wish I could carry a paint gun and "christen" stupid people. sheesh
In other news:
Princess is heading to friends to work for a couple days. For a girl who says she's not sure if she wants kids she is amazing with them, they all have a great time and the kids beg for her to come back again and again.
The Cadet is heading to a canoe trip this weekend with his corps. I give 'em ten minutes in the canoes before some wiseacre tips the whole kit an caboodle. lol
Tank and Turbo are enjoying some newly aquired roller blades. Turbo is picking up the skill very easily and Tank is stubbornly, perhaps determinedly is better, getting better each time.
We keep swinging from hot to cold and rainy weather which is rather irritating. Guess I should just be happy that its not snowing Lol
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Freedom, Awareness, and Self-Defence
When do we grant freedom and allow our kids to go off on their own?
It really depends on the kid.
Sissy is seventeen and rarely goes anywhere by herself. She is more nervous and that makes her an easier target for dirtbags. A nervous person shows it and attracts predators, they may as well glow in the dark. We're working on the self-confidence issue and she's made great strides but it doesn't come naturally for our girl. She knows how to be LOUD and how to kick (watch out men) and she is gaining confidence everyday. One day she's gonna change the world my girl, atleast her corner of it anyway. She is very aware of manipulators, flatterers, and charmers, these are often the greatest threat to a girls heart and I'm so glad she's got that down. You GO girl!
The Cadet at twelve years old occassionally took the city bus to cadets (he is 14 now and takes the bus all over scarborough) he has common sense, is trained in self defense and is very aware of his surroundings.
Our second son, Turbo, is coming up on 12 and though he is also trained in self-defence he is oblivious and gets lost in thought too much, and tends to over react to stressful, unfamiliar situations so there is no way he's ready for the same freedom.
Our third boy, Tank, age ten us more like his oldest brother and will have more freedom at twelve than the now eleven year old (middle son). Not better, just different.
Our four children (and Mum) are very capable of defending themselves against a full grown adult but the awareness to know an attack or grab is coming makes the difference. Knowing what to do if; you get lost, there is sudden bad weather, an accident etc and self and situational awareness are the deciding factors for me granting freedom and responsibility to my children, along with how open the kids are to talking things through with us, if they are obedient etc. If they tend to hide things or be dishonest then they are pulled close and kept close.
As a family we have established signals, for example; If we are at the park and its time to go, someone is moving too slowly, we have an emergency etc. I blow the van horn three times and the kids now to hurry and meet up. The more frequently I sound the horn three times the more they know to MOVE. Stragglers get trouble. No question.
We have done fire drills, talked about sexual predators, the sex slave trade, drug use, mental health, how to solve conflicts peacefully whenever possible, how to defend ones self physically when necessary and how to know when it is necessary. We talk about smooth talkers and manipulators, flirts, bullies, perverts, and users.
We talk about taking responsibility and how doing the right thing is not always accepted as the right thing and how to stand strong when you are right and others hate you for it. We talk about being understanding of other peoples choices while standing firm on what is right.
I do my best to make home a safe place to let them talk, to listen to what they are saying and not saying. I try to understand where they are developmentally, to who they are as people and what God has designed them to do in the future, that way they know they can come to me with anything and I'll help 'em out. Not matter what.
That's how I arm my kids.
It really depends on the kid.
Sissy is seventeen and rarely goes anywhere by herself. She is more nervous and that makes her an easier target for dirtbags. A nervous person shows it and attracts predators, they may as well glow in the dark. We're working on the self-confidence issue and she's made great strides but it doesn't come naturally for our girl. She knows how to be LOUD and how to kick (watch out men) and she is gaining confidence everyday. One day she's gonna change the world my girl, atleast her corner of it anyway. She is very aware of manipulators, flatterers, and charmers, these are often the greatest threat to a girls heart and I'm so glad she's got that down. You GO girl!
The Cadet at twelve years old occassionally took the city bus to cadets (he is 14 now and takes the bus all over scarborough) he has common sense, is trained in self defense and is very aware of his surroundings.
Our second son, Turbo, is coming up on 12 and though he is also trained in self-defence he is oblivious and gets lost in thought too much, and tends to over react to stressful, unfamiliar situations so there is no way he's ready for the same freedom.
Our third boy, Tank, age ten us more like his oldest brother and will have more freedom at twelve than the now eleven year old (middle son). Not better, just different.
Our four children (and Mum) are very capable of defending themselves against a full grown adult but the awareness to know an attack or grab is coming makes the difference. Knowing what to do if; you get lost, there is sudden bad weather, an accident etc and self and situational awareness are the deciding factors for me granting freedom and responsibility to my children, along with how open the kids are to talking things through with us, if they are obedient etc. If they tend to hide things or be dishonest then they are pulled close and kept close.
As a family we have established signals, for example; If we are at the park and its time to go, someone is moving too slowly, we have an emergency etc. I blow the van horn three times and the kids now to hurry and meet up. The more frequently I sound the horn three times the more they know to MOVE. Stragglers get trouble. No question.
We have done fire drills, talked about sexual predators, the sex slave trade, drug use, mental health, how to solve conflicts peacefully whenever possible, how to defend ones self physically when necessary and how to know when it is necessary. We talk about smooth talkers and manipulators, flirts, bullies, perverts, and users.
We talk about taking responsibility and how doing the right thing is not always accepted as the right thing and how to stand strong when you are right and others hate you for it. We talk about being understanding of other peoples choices while standing firm on what is right.
I do my best to make home a safe place to let them talk, to listen to what they are saying and not saying. I try to understand where they are developmentally, to who they are as people and what God has designed them to do in the future, that way they know they can come to me with anything and I'll help 'em out. Not matter what.
That's how I arm my kids.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
I Haven't forgotten!
I haven't forgotten about this blog. I'm just waiting to have something interesting to post!
We've spent much of the past few week's free time playing our xbox and watching youtube videos. The weather has been unpleasant and we had lost our motivation to play outside much. But the boys are really starting to get restless and on my LAST nerve. lol So I'm sure we'll have some fun things to tell you about soon.
We've spent much of the past few week's free time playing our xbox and watching youtube videos. The weather has been unpleasant and we had lost our motivation to play outside much. But the boys are really starting to get restless and on my LAST nerve. lol So I'm sure we'll have some fun things to tell you about soon.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Family Day Fun
With today being Family Day here in Ontario and Hero having the day off we wanted to have some extra special fun together. So this morning all the guys went to the local YMCA for some free swimming, we LOVE free, while Sissy and I got the much neglected kitchen in shape and enjoyed some quiet time without the noisier parts of our family under foot. We all enjoyed it!
This afternoon we went to one of our favourite creeks for a winter bonfire. Oh.so.glorious! It was quiet, woodsy, and smelled like home. We had hot chocolate with marshmallows and some roasted marshmallows and, more importantly, some much needed outdoor/get-your-feet-on-the-ground time. We all feel deliciously tired and smell nice to boot!
Here's Hero, Turbo (in the blue darker blue jacket), Tank (in the red), and Me (in the burgundy) prepping the fire pit. You can just see my brother sitting on the bench. He's such a fun a guy and enjoys himself pretty much whereever we go.
Here's the Cadet trying to coax the reluctant fire into life. Lighting a winter fire proved rather tricky but we got it done finally. It took a while and lots of determination but we finally got it going and we enjoyed the familiar crackle and warmth.
"Our" creek;
What a talented girl!
This afternoon we went to one of our favourite creeks for a winter bonfire. Oh.so.glorious! It was quiet, woodsy, and smelled like home. We had hot chocolate with marshmallows and some roasted marshmallows and, more importantly, some much needed outdoor/get-your-feet-on-the-ground time. We all feel deliciously tired and smell nice to boot!
"Our" creek;
We were all suprised to see the creek still running.
To think we'll be swimming here in just a few short months!
The Princess was good enough to take the pictures for us today. She has a real eye for photography and we put to work with this as often as possible. Here are a few more samples of her good work:
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