"Enough"

I've had to say, "Enough, no more." twice in my life.

The first to an unhealthy church membership. We had to say goodbye to a cult church that hubby was raised in and we attended together for many years. Our kids were raised there (for the most part) and close family is still firmly entrenched in that system.  Our entire community and support structure were tangled up with this church/cult thing. Leaving was really, really tough. really tough. For months we missed it and were tempted (just a little) to go back but slowly the Father has shown us a better way. I have learned how judgmental I was, how cruel, critical, and arrogant my heart is. Through truth I have learned grace, hope, patience, kindness, love. I'm learning joy, how to lean on God and not man. How to work out my own salvation. What really matters to God and what is just religion. 

My last, sad, "enough" came just before Christmas when I had to separate from some family members. I miss them often and so wish that things could be different. My family (particularly my children) were hurt and deeply wounded each time there was a "flair up" with these members. I have to protect my kids, that's my job. It seems strange talking about grace and love in the last paragraph and now speaking of what is essentially cutting people out of my life. Here's where grace still lives; I LOVE these people, I miss them very often and mourn for what could have been, what should have been, but allowing them into my life and trying to insinuate myself into theirs only brought pain, anger, and resentment into both lives and families. No resolution was even worked for so "enough" and "good bye" were said. I pray very often for them and wish everyday that I could pick up the phone or send a quick email but I can't, doing so would only tear off the scab. So I'll keep praying and hoping. 

read this blog post!

http://unspokenblog.wordpress.com/2014/04/26/my-wife-has-tattoos-marriage-new-birth-and-the-gospel/

Wonderful!

What if God's People Prayed?

What if we all prayed knowing God is good, gracefull desiring of blessing and helping His people? What if we all prayed knowing that what God will bring is good and good for us? What if we all remembered that sometimes "no" is the most kind, loving and just answer. Instead of pitching a fit, whining and turning our backs on our loving, faithful God we surrendered to His will and His plan and trust that His word does hold the truth for our lives here, now, even in theis arrogance filled twenty-first century?

Maybe the Christian couples that divorce and the families that fall apart though remain living under the same roof could be healed and go on marching into victory under the banner of Christ. Maybe the teens who loose hope and end their too short lives could be redeemed, gain hope and see the promise of this live. They could go on to raise hell-storming children to further the gospel of Christ. 

This isn't a never ending story we're living. We all have a finite time here to influence, help, and bless others. What if we spent more time serving? more time forgiving? more time extending grace? more time encouraging? What if God's people prayed more than played?

Chilly awakening, Gym, and Avoiding Girls

Getting ready to take my boys this morning to gym it didn't occur to me to check the outside temperature. After all it had been 21 degrees day before yesterday. Not a good decision. I rushed out the door a few minutes behind schedule and walked right into a rather cool wind. I was dressed in a light spring dress. Light material. Flowy (read: wind blows right up in it) skirt?  Brrrrrrrr  That woke me up better than any coffee could.

The boys had a wonderful time at gym, sweating to their hearts content, throwing balls at others  (who doesn't like that?) while running with friends avoiding the girls. I like that they avoid the girls. I'd very much like it if they'd continue avoiding girls until they are about, um,  40. Yes, that'd be good.  Sort of. For me anyway.

I'm not kidding myself into believe my boys don't notice girls and all their nicer qualities but at their ages (11 and 12) the girls we're around are not remotely interested in the sweaty, obnoxious versions of the male species they are surrounded by. This also works for me. Keep up the obnoxious fart jokes guys. Just not in church. K?!

Go Outside!

Why am I still inside on this gloriously sunny afternoon?

The Longest Winter and Why I Shouldn't Whine

I came back to edit this blog post when I realized what a whiner I was being. Original whiny blog post in black, blessings I've chosen to see in blue;

 This is the winter that just won't quit. We have had snow on the ground since mid November, a devastating ice storm that left us without hydro for six days, heat for nine days and no water for much of that. We have had record breaking cold with many days where the wind chill was in the minus thirties. Yep, winter can buzz off now. Right now. Immediately. Go away right quick!  But the cold of winter makes us rejoice with the spring! On the hot, humid days when everything seems to be melting we'll be glad its not snowing. :D

Today is the first day we are seeing some melt. March 11 and we still have lots of snow, lots. Forecasters are  telling us we could still have some snow in April. APRIL! Why am I Canadian again?  Because you are Canadian you get to enjoy religious freedom, affordable healthcare, a just governmental system and no earthquakes, tsunamis, few poisons spiders and snakes, wonderful scenery, and freedom!

Oh well, spring will come, it always does. I suppose being able to complain about the winter is one of the perks of living in the greatest country in the world. :)

October and Remembering Home

Coming into the full-fledged autumn season I remember how much I love the change of seasons we enjoy here in Ontario. Yes, there arre several days during the depths of winter that I wish for tropical weather but without the cold how would we really appreciatte the heat of August, or the newness of spring. Look at me, waxing poetic.

This summer has been the easiest so far living here in the big smoke, we got through the steamy days with swimming at the local pool and enjoying the creek as much as possible. I still get a kick out of the shocked look on the peoples faces as there realize we're swimming-in-the-creek!?

With the coming of autumn is the expected homesickness. With no where to store food here and no harvest to collect and put up I wrestle against the desperation of wanting to go home so badly I can taste the frustration. I know we are meant to "bloom where we are planted" but I just don't want to. I won't pretend that here is where I will be happy, this is no place to raise kids, no place to live long term. I accept that some people like living here and prefer it above all other places but we are not them, I do appreciate my husbands job and how he is happyish here but knowing how perfect North is for the rest of us makes settling in here tough.

I, usually, try not to watch too many documentaries or youtube videos about homesteading or prepping but when the homesickness is thickest watching these things and letting the grief come brings the purge I need. I'm sad a while, a little grouchy. Then it passes and we go on. One day I will get home, one day soon I hope but until we've riden this out we just have to hang on, learn what we must and look to the dawn.

Lyric