Regrooving

regrooving
   verb ~ to reestablish ones mojo, moxy, way of being assertive

Yes, I made that up. Yes, it still counts as a word 'cause I wrote it down and said it several times in my head. :D
Regrooving is finding a way to get your feet back under you when so much about your life has changed and will not be going back to "normal" anytime soon. While restarts can be frightening, regrooving is exciting more than scary. A reinvention of ones self when times and circumstances change and there are few familiar land marks to see you through can be scary when you fight it. When you go along for the ride and enjoy the changes it is actually exhilarating.
 I'm forty-three, my hubby can't work anymore, my youngest is twelve, my oldest nineteen, I have full-time care of my disabled brother, we are, necessarily, cut off from most of our family, and I haven't worked in twenty years. I could choose to be dead scared, go to bed and not get up for days, pout and whine and be incredibly selfish. Honestly, for just a few moments I let myself do all those things, I let myself be scared, worried, angry, resentful but that's done now. Now I get up, put on my big girl pants and be amazing. I let you know just what that amazing looks like as it happens.

Lyric

Its Good to Know I Piss Off My Daughter

It is good to have your kids frustrated with you now and then. That way you know you're doing your job. Standing up for what is right is part of my job as a parent, regardless of what reception my, "nope" gets. Sorry girly, I'll be your Mum as long as you need one. You're friend when you've grown.

Positivity and Help Received

I will choose to remain postive. I will choose to see the good in each situation. I will choose to be happy for the small things and let go of the anxiety and doubts. Each day is a gift. How many people have breathed their last breathe while desperate from just one more? I will remember this and be grateful.

I have had some wonderful support and understanding these last few days because I asked for it. I was honest and let them know I was incredibly stressed and at the end of my rope. just done. I couldn't move another step and they came along side with support, understanding, acceptance, suggestions, and concrete helps. Thank you 'shed ladies.

I still don't know what school will look like next year. I don't know if we will make the switch to public school or will radically change how we educate at home. I do know that we have an appointment to an A.D.H.D. clinic and will pursue a diagnosis for Turbo and hopefully get some support, advice, and strategies there.

Lyric

Summer School and Cadet Camp

The Cadet's first year in Secondary School has been a learning experience. Which is the polite way to say we both realized how much I over-did for him while he was home schooling. Reminding, nagging, organizing, reminding,  helping, coaching, reminding etc. I did a lot of reminding.  Going out to school Matt quickly learned that his teachers expected him to be self- organized, motivated, disciplined, and directed. He did well in most areas except when it came to English (he'll get that credit, barely) math. Previously Matt found math very easy, therefore didn't have to push himself hard to get each assignment done. Well grade nine math at this gifted school was more challenging than he anticipated. Summer school has been suggested. 

I'm all for summer school, I appreciate that the board even offers it. But, and here's the sticky part, the Cadet has been given the opportunity to go on a three week excursion with his corps and the excursion begins two days before the end of the summer school. Wish me luck negotiating with the school board so he'll be able to do both. Should be interesting.

"Enough"

I've had to say, "Enough, no more." twice in my life.

The first to an unhealthy church membership. We had to say goodbye to a cult church that hubby was raised in and we attended together for many years. Our kids were raised there (for the most part) and close family is still firmly entrenched in that system.  Our entire community and support structure were tangled up with this church/cult thing. Leaving was really, really tough. really tough. For months we missed it and were tempted (just a little) to go back but slowly the Father has shown us a better way. I have learned how judgmental I was, how cruel, critical, and arrogant my heart is. Through truth I have learned grace, hope, patience, kindness, love. I'm learning joy, how to lean on God and not man. How to work out my own salvation. What really matters to God and what is just religion. 

My last, sad, "enough" came just before Christmas when I had to separate from some family members. I miss them often and so wish that things could be different. My family (particularly my children) were hurt and deeply wounded each time there was a "flair up" with these members. I have to protect my kids, that's my job. It seems strange talking about grace and love in the last paragraph and now speaking of what is essentially cutting people out of my life. Here's where grace still lives; I LOVE these people, I miss them very often and mourn for what could have been, what should have been, but allowing them into my life and trying to insinuate myself into theirs only brought pain, anger, and resentment into both lives and families. No resolution was even worked for so "enough" and "good bye" were said. I pray very often for them and wish everyday that I could pick up the phone or send a quick email but I can't, doing so would only tear off the scab. So I'll keep praying and hoping. 

read this blog post!

http://unspokenblog.wordpress.com/2014/04/26/my-wife-has-tattoos-marriage-new-birth-and-the-gospel/

Wonderful!

What if God's People Prayed?

What if we all prayed knowing God is good, gracefull desiring of blessing and helping His people? What if we all prayed knowing that what God will bring is good and good for us? What if we all remembered that sometimes "no" is the most kind, loving and just answer. Instead of pitching a fit, whining and turning our backs on our loving, faithful God we surrendered to His will and His plan and trust that His word does hold the truth for our lives here, now, even in theis arrogance filled twenty-first century?

Maybe the Christian couples that divorce and the families that fall apart though remain living under the same roof could be healed and go on marching into victory under the banner of Christ. Maybe the teens who loose hope and end their too short lives could be redeemed, gain hope and see the promise of this live. They could go on to raise hell-storming children to further the gospel of Christ. 

This isn't a never ending story we're living. We all have a finite time here to influence, help, and bless others. What if we spent more time serving? more time forgiving? more time extending grace? more time encouraging? What if God's people prayed more than played?